big hands on the ten and the little hands on the six.

i found myself sitting and staring at the lit water tower. it was beautiful.
i don't know when i'll be able to do that again, maybe tomorrow.

i have so much, but my brain and fingers are limited.

maybe i'll be able to put it down on paper.

nevermind these are harder times.

counterfit and noise ratchet broke up. what the hell?!
that makes me incredibly sad. they're have their last show in el cajon [san deigo] on the 11th. i want to go, but then again, i have no one to go with. shit.

this bone china contains lead.

i hate feeling second best. it seems i've fallen off the high horse and somebody decided to hop back on for me.
i know this is selfish, i know this is jealously. but this is also me.

a small part of me.


i miss taking photos.

the train is reliable.

so you're out getting stoned and drunk.
why does that worry me so much? or maybe i'm just jealous? nonono.

i'll miss you when i'm gone.

7602.

they make me feel like not attending school at all. they know i don't have credit history, they know i've never filed for taxes, but yet they don't want to help me with school. what am i suppose to do? tell banks that i want a loan based on 3000 dollars thats been saved in a l.a. bank account. yeah i'm sure they'd jump on that idea. i, myself have to take out a loan of 3000 dollars. all i need is a friggin co-sign. you have to have some faith in me. i know its 5000 dollars, i know if i don't pay it it'll fall on you. all i can give you is my word and a montly payment. you just need to sign the dotted line.i looked for a way to change my application, my fasfa. i just don't know. i'm at a block where i need to involve someone other than myself. i don't want to wait another 5 weeks for my fasfa to change. i don't want to resend things that i've done in august. i don't have that time, you should have said something to me before hand. but i guess that would include involvement in what i'm doing with school. and god help me if that'll happen. i'm tired of doing all this myself. i really am. so much, that i'm afraid its not worth it anymore. i want this to happen so much, i'm making the deadlines and paying the fees. if i waited around for you, none of this would be done by now.i'm so close but yet it still feels unreachable. you have no idea how this hangs over my head and bothers me. i just want the support of a parent. the 'you can do it.' the 'have you sent your housing application money in?' the pat on the back. they brag about me getting admitted and how i'm attending this spring, but they won't show me any support. sometimes you can't do something without parents, and this is one of those times. you promised me friday. a day to go over all this. the fate of my education lies in this co-sign. if i don't get it i'll have to wait another semester, i'll have to do this all again. and honestly, i don't think i would do it again. school is not worth my sanity.

i wonder.

hes something different, something i can't compete with.

^V^ happy late halloween. ^V^ i was a scuba diver for halloween. i dressed up for work.
and happy november.

grab a handle full.

vous empochez le ciel pour moi tenir.

pretty birds, pretty mouths.

turns out the pony only had one trick, a wink for the truck stop boys. they learned it all from the polaroids.

hopefully washing my face constitutes for a baptism.

;|

crumble.

i feel like i've done the math and calculated the answers.

once again another night without blissful sleep. the weather wrapping around my toes, causing them to curl in with pain. i listen to the fan, i watch the street light flicker, together they allow me to sleep somewhat. when i awake they're both there for me, something to rely on i suppose.
so again, i'll watch the street light flicker. i'll make out the unusual shapes and shadows. i'll close my eyes, listen to the hum.
i've dreamt several times about a man. couple years older, maybe younger. pushing me on a swing, i'm holding his hand through the snow, he's sitting with me on a bench. he always offers me something comforting. something i cherish in my dreams. how i wish i could make out your face. how i wish i could. everytime i look, its always empty. when i take my bath. i always wonder, maybe if i just slip under i'll see your face and we'll always be together then. but i never want to wait that long. just me being selfish i guess.
when i was a baby. weird as it sounds. i can remember when i almost died in my sleep. i was in such a deep sleep that i drifted off and stopped breathing. mom said i wasn't breathing and my heart stopped. she woke me by tickling my feet. i love her.

punchy makes the best fruit punch.

i scrub at my face, but i can never seem to wash away the day. the people/the kids/the dollar bills.
my feet are killing me. and tomorrow i work again. that place is going to get the best of me. i can crack a joke and recieve no smile there. i don't know if people need to lighten up or i just need to do my job.
ups: i get ten minute breaks.
downs: i get old men staring at my chest.

its kinda breezy outside. not quite sweater weather, but its getting there. i'm starting to wear socks to bed again. cold weather is my favorite.

it always tastes better when its on someone else's tab.

it'd only be one time. but i should waitwaitwait. i'm so eager.

i don't want to hurt myself in the processes, so i'll just wait till it surpasses me.

he just lived within.

3 hour drive. no nagging or hussle or bussle. i just need to get readyreadyready. step dad is letting me borrow his car, my car wouldn't make it to gila bend. so i'll drivedrivedrive all the way to asu to see my old pea. i'm so broke, i hopefully have enough money for everything.
so this is my surprise, goodbye..

bye. i'll be back late tomorrow.

1986 is when it happened.

photobucket decided to be a jerk. and deviantart is down. so once again i don't have a picture. > plus i don't have any words of wisdom. ++ i'm leaving on tuesday for tempe because i need to visit some people i love.

i have to work tomorrow. at least we get to have lunch, and yes, i'm buying.

i have nothing today.

i'm ready to kill anyone who walks through that door.

if only i knew it was one hundred percent the first time.

i won't even touch the birds and the bees.

talking in your sleep and mumbling something about the west;;

Wooooowie.

today was okay. it wasn't bad, it wasn't good.

all i can tell you, is to take back what you said.
because somehow i don't believe you.

or i choose not to believe you.its been so long. its been so.so.so. long.long.long.
but i have to give you a hand. you have to be a big person to
do what you're doing.

harder than i thought.

the day was long and my 'me time' is short. i need new photos.

>>work tomorrow.

A fortune once told me:

i don't understand why i have to run from here to there. like i have my head cut off. i hope this becomes my picture/venting journal. no one knows me here and that gives me an advantage.