Blood.

Was invited to a party that I knew was out of my league but being so antisocial I thought one night wasn't gonna kill me. Arrived at said party, alone, and right away I was feeling out of place. A house packed with people I despise. Most type A personalities with a good mixture of popular people whom would never talk to me, but tonight I was being accepted for whatever reason, tonight my presence was wanted and it felt very suspicious. It was getting pitch black outside and the party was becoming livelier. Being a paranoid person by trait, I began to scope my surroundings. Older house, bad lighting but someone brought a cheap disco ball for effect. The colors played on the walls, on this crown molding and fancy base boards that look to have little ornamental holes running about them. Curious because I've never seen something like that before, I got closer, crawling on the wood floor to get a better look. I squinted my eye into the hole and with the shitty colored lights playing behind me; I saw it. I saw a lens adjust to accommodate my peering eye. I flipped out! Party still loud with awful, current music blarring. I tore away at the floor boards. I removed a good chunk to reveal a webcam on the other side. I panicked. Began to turn around to see the party had stopped. Everyone in the room was starring at me with this cam and board in my hands. Things took a different turn then. People rushed me, pulling me to my feet while I'm nothing less of histarical but my cries were unnoticed as the shit music played on. 'They' began to explain that I was only invited to said party to be picked on and recorded for all to see. To be made a fool of days/years later. Then my worst fears settled in, knowing I was just the 'joke' for everyone to laugh at because of my awkwardness. They began to banter amongst themselves trying to figure out what to do with me now that I foiled their plan. The air was tense, really really tense. I knew if I didn't act, I could very well be a dead person. I did the first thing that came to my mind. I grabbed metal utensils from tables and began to psyche myself up. The crowd was trying to calm me down while they were walking in and closing in to where I was, clutching a butter knife and fork (one in each hand.) Feeling claustrophobic, I began to swing at these people that I trusted several minutes ago. I hit my first person in the chest with a fork. Saw my first blood and hit them a second time with a knife near the heart. The second and third and then it was easy. It felt like all the pent up anger I had for each individual was becoming my energy to continue to kill and shed blood. Screams were finally loud enough to drown the shitty SHITTY radio music. Then I see flashes of light outside like an incoming storm was approaching. How I had time to see that and process it was beyond me. Then I heard the claps to accompany the flashes. It grew louder and louder, covering anything I was hearing before. With only a few left standing someone let out a bloody murder of all screams. I turned around to see this type A girl pointing at the ceiling near the corner of the house. The house was bleeding. Damp and dripping blood, slowly soaking into the beams of this old house. The carnage stopped. The lighting and thunder were synced like it was knocking at the front door. Popular Boy sternly announced to me 'this is what happen when you shed blood and anger God.' Then I woke up. Thanks brain! Now to hopefully fall back to sleep.

Wake.

Woke up from a brief dream. Didn't even feel like a full minute. Sitting on the couch at the old Randolph house. I turn around and there you were, sitting in one of your various spots in the house. Sitting on the back on the couch looking out the window with the warm sun on your fur. I reached out to pet you and with a tear falling from my eye I knew it was too real and I was dreaming. Your fur felt just how I remembered, a bit slick but warm from the sun. I quickly woke up after that. I never claim to be a religious person. I do believe if you never forget the entity that they were, they will always be with you. Miss you.

Yo.

null.

Anew.

i'm gonna try my hardest. probably gonna over-share here just to get it off my back. hopefully today is a new day cause i can't take much more.

Thirsty.

My hands won't stop shaking.

:/

What should I do? Constantly lost. ;; I can get through tonight.

Revert.

anddddddd we're back.

Passion.

I miss it. I miss kissing and being close enough to feel body heat. But I miss kissing and I miss things that use to occur that dont occur anymore. Maybe I'm just needy. Maybe I'm just reflecting on something that only comes for a few months and then I'm suppose to settle. Can't remember the last time... what do you want? Do I want too much? Tired of lusting after you, I want to be lusted after.