Gamer girl lyfe

Is making me fat. Rawr!

It's a revival.

Seems like I've had a lot on my mind and I forgot how much journaling meant to me. This journal has served me well for ten years. I'm not consistent but from time to time when I feel like I need to bookmark a place in my life I come here.

;;

Dreams. So vivid anymore. Must be something in the tap water. I was encounter by a dream while I was wide awake. 

Backtrack... A week or so ago I dreamt about someone. Someone I don't normally see everyday but when I do it's pleasant. Not the norm from the typical asshole personality I seem to be a magnet too. Almost flirtatious at times. 

I never once thought of this person [we'll call him Will] as attractive. 

Will is older, probably 50's. He is balding but it's not too off putting. He has a pretty prestigious job in town, always in the paper earning some award. Also, recently divorced. Anyways. 

After a boozy filled night I pass out in bed. Old King of the Hill episodes tuck me in.

Dream. 

Will and I were at a restaurant. Fancy but not too fancy. The kind of place that'll let you get away with wearing sneakers. Not Will and I though. He looked dapper in a suit no tie and I in evening dress I wouldn't wear but in a dream. Red, gold, and shadowy blacks made up the restaurant. We sat in a booth. Just the two of us in a u-shaped booth. The booth was a deep red. It had those buttons on the back cushion that gave the restaurant a classy impression.

It was just us two. 

Wine laced conversations about anything and everything. Just being in the moment with someone I adored. I remember his hand on my thigh. Giving the occasional squeeze when he particularly enjoyed something. My fingers rubbing the ends of his coat. And thisthisthis is what stuck in my mind. So much that it bothers me when I see him in flesh. 

One last squeeze and his kiss. His kiss, our kiss, this kiss. The kind of kiss you look for in a soul mate. The softest, kindest kiss. Our lips were red and slightly wet. I know it's cheesy when I say his lips were like satin, but they were. 

Then I woke up. Right then. Right when it was nothing but bliss. It felt so real. Like my belly was full and my heart was in love. So real.

I immediately look for Will's photo on the internet. Of course a news article dated last week. Looking at his photo nothing seemed to click with me. I didn't feel the same as I did in my dream.

Thinking I was in the clear... I see him today. I immediately feel flustered. Anything I say is jibberish. Today it was just the typical 'hello' 'goodbye' 'merry christmas.' He looked very deep in thought, like simple chit-chat would be beyond him.

Will says 'have a great night.'

I say 'hello.' 

Dumb ass me couldn't formulate a simple bye. Night was day and goodbye was hello. Now I'm embarrassed, I feel my face get warm. I'm sure it was apparent that my face was beat red. It shouldn't have been that awkward but my damn dream made it that way. Hopefully time will be good to me and let this dream/thought fade away.