Bffs.

Hurts my soul knowing both of you are gone and all I have is a picture to remember you by. 

;;

I just wish you could of told me. I would have been there for her. Went all day brushing it aside, but now, it hurts really badly. I'm sorry girl. I'll always remember sitting down with you and scratching your muzzle before I left. I had to leave and I hope you understood that. 

Pink.

Not sure what happened, life just kinda blew up in my face. Giving me a choice of living somewhere I don't wanna go or sticking me with a place I can't afford or afford to move out of. I can't handle it anymore, but I know when I see you cry and I see you upset my heart sinks knowing that what we have will never be the same. I just need to stick to my guns and just end this. Tired of worrying about what the future will be like, I just need to make it happen. 

So today you started packing. Not a single thing I say will make you change your mind. I told you I didn't wanna move but you wouldn't listen, so what kind of attitude did you expect from me? Telling me "I'll move with or without you." Of course I'm gonna be distant and surround myself with people that don't treat me like dirt. If only I wasn't such a sucker and decided to give it another go. I would have been out of that house and starting over, but you know what? I did it for the dog. Knowing that you would move home and I couldn't take her. Knowing we would have to put her down. She's just a casualty that you don't wanna take responsibility for. I feel sorry for her. 

Dreading going home, not sure what to expect. A half empty house maybe? 

I just want out, really. Tired of hiding the person I wanna be because it doesn't suit you. Tired of the 'encouragement' you give because it sure comes off as belittling. Tired of feeling like I need to tip toe around you. Tired of being in a loveless relationship. I just hope I can do it. 

Sigh.

And now I wonder why I get so frustrated. Thanks for making me feel like a fool. 

...

I'm just scared and worried. 

I'm not at a good point in my life. 

Little things make me feel like the world is gonna end. 

People tell me to just smile, when really my heart aches on the inside. 

They just don't know. 

Mom calls me asking how I am and all I can do is lie unless I call her drunk and crying. 

All I want is a firm hug and someone to tell me they are here for me. 

Someone to tell me they are here for me. 

Worried.

The longer I wait the worse it'll be. Almost like, not knowing what it is I can push it from my thoughts and can completely forget about it. Tomorrow the procrastination will end. I just hope it's not what I think it is, something minor I hope. 

On the plus side I had two other worries come to an end today. One is mending and the other is a for sure thing. I need to not be so stupid. 

Now I just waitwaitwait.