permanentprint;;

10.30

2009-01-14T22:11:00.000-08:00

i can't even describe it. i wish i was there.

you're up and you're down.

2008-11-29T14:59:00.000-08:00

it's the rituals and the instant gratifications, gets me everytime. i need to grow up.

split ends.

2008-11-14T15:50:00.000-08:00

sometimes i wish i had a better relationship with my brother.
then i remember all the times he terrorized me with i was little.
oh well.

every single time.

2008-11-10T11:23:00.000-08:00

i hate being overally sensitive. my mind thinks that if i'm nice to everyone there is no possible way for negativity to bother me. naive i know, but i'm so tired of hating and judging people. i just really want some positivity in my life. forgive and forget you know? i've been having this feeling that i'm getting taken advantage of because of my push-over attitude. it sucks. i try really hard to give people a chance.

i hate small towns. i think i need to go home for awhile.

oops.

2008-11-02T10:22:00.001-08:00

once again i was the last to know about the time change.
stupidstupidstupid.

100.

2008-10-31T17:09:00.000-07:00

yuma high school turns 100 today, and as i think back, i hated and i enjoyed it.
i remember [before the teen-aged angst set it] friday nights, going to football games to see my brother play and just feeling a sense of pride. it's weird thinking about that now that i've graduated from there and has moved so far away. i had a lot of rough times at that school [mostly personal] but there wasn't a day that i wished i was going to school somewhere else.
i regret being so introverted and revengeful while i was there. my experience could have been really different.
as for a class reunion? ten is too early, twenty would be just right.

yummy yummy i got love in my tummy.

2008-10-24T18:11:00.000-07:00

my favorite so far.

a close second.

internet fun.

2008-10-14T00:08:00.000-07:00

this:
gmail

that:
heat surge

what?

what?

2008-10-09T21:44:00.000-07:00

my mom just emailed me a survey about herself......
?
i am very confused. she wants me to fil it out and email it back to her.
i think she wants me to visit soon [just guessing].

other note:
i have been sick. weather has been changing like crazy and my poor thin blood can't take it! i have a feeling i'm gonna be in line with all the old people to get a flu shot this year. blargh!

pss?
my medicine has strongly influenced this entry.

i don't

2008-10-02T20:21:00.000-07:00

recommend dxm.
even if you are sick with a cold.
hot peppermint tea and saltines work wonders.

++
i'm sorry that palin has to play the sympathy card with mentioning her daughter, bristol, and her special needs child. she is trying to shadow the fact that she doesn't really have a clue about foreign policy [being close to russia doesn't make you an expert] and that mccain has been tutoring her from day one. she's just puppet. i would even go as far as calling it a political stunt just to raise mccain's women vote. i am truly offended by this.
biden did a wonderful job tonight. he was calm and collected [unlike mccain in the first debate] he mentioned multiple changes that need to be done with the economy and with the war. i can't say that i approve of obama wanting to take a 'closer' look into pakistan and afghanistan, or the fact that they want to meet with foreign leaders without preconditions is kinda scary. they both seem to have their own views on renewable energy and dependency from foreign oil. palin wants to build a pipe line in alaska, she's been talking about how it is one of her biggest accomplishments since being a governor.
washington post:
"But while her style has been minutely analyzed, very little commentary has focused on one of the few substantive claims she made about her brief tenure as governor of Alaska: that she "fought to bring about the largest private-sector infrastructure project in North American history . . . a nearly $40 billion natural gas pipeline to help lead America to energy independence."
that's insane. last i heard they haven't even really started on it which congress passed it in 2004! and of course, most of the natural gas resources we have are owned by big oil companies.
i guess what i wanted to say was i'm okay with foreign oil until we can perfect the use for renewable energy in america. obama is making that his first priority in his campaign and that is why i support him.

samantha bee cracks me up.

vacation.

2008-10-01T16:21:00.000-07:00

my spam mail really really wants me to visit cancun, mexico. out of the 900+ spam emails i got, 800 or so of them were:
"Cancun Vacation - Experience 4 Nights in Beautiful Cancun - Free "
rest were:
"FBI Recruitment - Fight organized crime and prevent terrorism"
that's what i get for neglecting to check my email regularly.

whyisthisgray.

:[

2008-09-22T11:52:00.000-07:00

jake has bitten part of his tail off.
i don't know why or what's wrong with him. i have an appointment in an hour.

>>
not having him here is really strange.
surgery, infection, xanax.

times are tough.

2008-09-20T21:51:00.000-07:00

we'll get through it.

my favorite boss quit today.

best purchase ever.

2008-09-17T18:20:00.000-07:00

bad habit.

giant owl lamp.

i'm tired.

finally.

2008-09-15T17:22:00.000-07:00

and i finally ripped my favorite pants.

cats and dogs i tell you!

2008-09-13T14:57:00.000-07:00

it's been raining for four days straight. i enjoy the rain but when the sun hasn't come out for days, i tend to get pissy. there is suppose to be sun tomorrow and monday, but then again it'll rain again [thank you ike.]
all is going well. not sure when i want to visit home[ before it snows?]
also! i plan on putting photos up soon, but of course, i always say that.

reminder:
cat food
windshield wipers
tp!
new couch!

even though...

2008-09-10T12:23:00.000-07:00

all the animals went to the vet the other day.
2 dogs,
2 cats.
ear infections, fleas, worms, allergies...
3 hours later i was wiped. i called mom to talk to her about the bill and
lo and behold [dun dun dunnnnn] they bought another bloodhound.

bayley lou, born on saint patties day.

i'm a little mad they couldn't have jake and friskers at their new house but they can go out and buy a new dog. plus they still have beau.
ugh. kinda unfair but i'm glad they're with me because i have a feeling they were neglected while i was gone.

my new job is still going well and i really need a hair cut.

dundundunnn...

2008-08-12T18:50:00.000-07:00

i have a job. exciting no?

during orientation, the other new girl had her first seizure. pretty scary. hopefully she'll be okay.

picture a day for 39 years.

2008-08-03T22:26:00.001-07:00

marker.

2008-07-23T20:02:00.000-07:00

my heart feels heavy.
and cracks are taller than i am.

don't laugh.

stumble on.

2008-07-20T13:36:00.000-07:00

pretty awesome.
nice portraits.
always fun.
rofl.
keep an eye out for 2009!

it's a start.

2008-07-18T15:29:00.000-07:00

something that makes me happy
[no particular order]

song;; artist :

reasons to love you;; meiko
objects of my affection;; peter bjorn and john
hooplas involving circus tricks;; say hi to your mom
that can be arranged;; tom vek
a little word in your ear;; tom vek
on the road;; tom vek
cold cold water;; mirah
heard it all before;; meiko
outta my head;; m. ward
milk and honey;; as tall as lions
la familia;; mirah
peach and yellow;; peggy honeywell
in love with a view;; mojave 3
black comedy;; bright eyes
birds;; dios
so long;; rilo kiley
disarm;; smashing pumpkins
anabel;; midlake

i plan on expanding and adding links to some of the songs...hopefully.
enjoy.

clutter.

2008-07-18T15:16:00.000-07:00

it still looks really cluttered. i'm trying to fix it but my eyes are really tired. tomorrow, maybe.

secret sauce.

2008-07-14T16:18:00.000-07:00

i play too much gta, but sometimes it doesn't feel like i play enough. yikes. i'm selling my WoW account to someone, hopefully. i hate to see it go because i did spend so much time on it but then again it was wasted time. i use to get a gratifying feeling from it but since i've stopped playing it was just really silly that i let myself get wrapped up in that. oh well.

i'm feeling

2008-07-10T00:44:00.000-07:00

down. this town is too small.

list:
clean
clean
and pretty much clean.

why?

2008-07-04T23:13:00.000-07:00

we caught a cat. large orange cat, i presumed was a neighbor's cat because of his size. i let him go. he had a bite mark behind his ear, typical cat fight. i didn't want to assume he was a stray because he was so friendly.

it felt good letting him go.
>>i told you so.

sometimes i miss yuma....

2008-07-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

then i read this:

http://yuma.craigslist.org/rnr/

as i always say..

2008-06-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

i'll do it tomorrow.

dun dun dunnnn...

2008-06-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

if there's anyway i can add fuel to the fire just let me know.
i love confrontations.

as a reference.

2008-06-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

he started to work on his old motorcycle.
i don't know how many times i've tried to convince him that he just needs to fix it because gas is so expensive now. we'll see today.

boston celtics won, wooooop!

list.

2008-06-13T13:38:00.000-07:00

remember:

cat food
cat litter
clean house
exercise

golly gosh.

2008-06-11T10:04:00.000-07:00

how do i say this...
i'm trying not to be a giant bitch around people. this happens alot.
for some reason it'll just take one thing [comment or whatnot] to be totally turned off to what we were doing. BLRAGH!
something else.
i'm losing my will to excerise everyday. i was doing really good until i had that strawberry milkshake [absolutely delicious] which set me on a two day fast food binge. BLRAGH!

i don't even know what to do today. i'm getting really bored.
oh well.

bored.

2008-06-06T10:27:00.000-07:00

it's been pretty boring as of late. maybe i should get a job, maybe not. it still feels like there is stuff i have yet to do too.

it's so humid today.

yikes.

2008-06-03T17:46:00.001-07:00

i need a new layout.

i heart dial soap.

2008-06-03T17:39:00.000-07:00

got a new piercing. hopefully i can keep it longer than a month.

maybe.

2008-05-28T20:23:00.000-07:00

i painted something and it actually came out half decent. how exciting for me.

i don't want to work at a factory.

it says:

2008-05-23T16:22:00.000-07:00

messy, depressed, introverted, feels invisible, does not make friends easily, nihilistic, reveals little about self, fragile, dark, bizarre, feels undesirable, dislikes leadership, reclusive, weird, irritable, frequently second guesses self, unassertive, unsympathetic, low self control, observer, worrying, phobic, suspicious, unproductive, avoidant, negative, bad at saving money, emotionally sensitive, does not like to stand out, dislikes large parties, submissive, daydreamer.

i think it's pretty close.

it's in everything you do.

2008-05-21T22:08:00.000-07:00

i'm tired of this life.
tomorrow, i will get so high and i will paintpaintpaint.
or something along the lines.

i'm pissing my last check on drugs. sounds like a good idea.

i'm loving life right now.

yippy.

2008-05-15T16:01:00.000-07:00

i finally reclaimed my blog after 3 years.

comings and goings.

2005-03-21T13:06:00.000-08:00

my head gets to thinking. gets to turning. i wonder if ... idk. i think it would be great. thats why i can't wait. i want to know. maybe. no. maybe. its not who you think, but the other one, the one i want to know. i can't stop thinking about maybe, just maybe. but i doubt myself to much.
i hope this turns out right. because.

i think you can catch the gist of this. where it is heading.
distance is impossible. if you ask me i'll just deny it all.

2 overrides and 3 classes later.

2005-01-19T07:49:00.000-08:00

what was i worried about?

big hands on the ten and the little hands on the six.

2004-11-30T23:33:00.000-08:00

i found myself sitting and staring at the lit water tower. it was beautiful.
i don't know when i'll be able to do that again, maybe tomorrow.

2004-11-22T22:13:00.000-08:00

i have so much, but my brain and fingers are limited.

maybe i'll be able to put it down on paper.

nevermind these are harder times.

2004-11-22T10:47:00.000-08:00

counterfit and noise ratchet broke up. what the hell?!
that makes me incredibly sad. they're have their last show in el cajon [san deigo] on the 11th. i want to go, but then again, i have no one to go with. shit.

this bone china contains lead.

2004-11-10T21:19:00.000-08:00

i hate feeling second best. it seems i've fallen off the high horse and somebody decided to hop back on for me.
i know this is selfish, i know this is jealously. but this is also me.

a small part of me.

i miss taking photos.

the train is reliable.

2004-11-08T23:03:00.000-08:00

so you're out getting stoned and drunk.
why does that worry me so much? or maybe i'm just jealous? nonono.

i'll miss you when i'm gone.

7602.

2004-11-03T18:27:00.000-08:00

they make me feel like not attending school at all. they know i don't have credit history, they know i've never filed for taxes, but yet they don't want to help me with school. what am i suppose to do? tell banks that i want a loan based on 3000 dollars thats been saved in a l.a. bank account. yeah i'm sure they'd jump on that idea. i, myself have to take out a loan of 3000 dollars. all i need is a friggin co-sign. you have to have some faith in me. i know its 5000 dollars, i know if i don't pay it it'll fall on you. all i can give you is my word and a montly payment. you just need to sign the dotted line.i looked for a way to change my application, my fasfa. i just don't know. i'm at a block where i need to involve someone other than myself. i don't want to wait another 5 weeks for my fasfa to change. i don't want to resend things that i've done in august. i don't have that time, you should have said something to me before hand. but i guess that would include involvement in what i'm doing with school. and god help me if that'll happen. i'm tired of doing all this myself. i really am. so much, that i'm afraid its not worth it anymore. i want this to happen so much, i'm making the deadlines and paying the fees. if i waited around for you, none of this would be done by now.i'm so close but yet it still feels unreachable. you have no idea how this hangs over my head and bothers me. i just want the support of a parent. the 'you can do it.' the 'have you sent your housing application money in?' the pat on the back. they brag about me getting admitted and how i'm attending this spring, but they won't show me any support. sometimes you can't do something without parents, and this is one of those times. you promised me friday. a day to go over all this. the fate of my education lies in this co-sign. if i don't get it i'll have to wait another semester, i'll have to do this all again. and honestly, i don't think i would do it again. school is not worth my sanity.

i wonder.

2004-10-31T22:55:00.000-08:00

hes something different, something i can't compete with.

^V^ happy late halloween. ^V^ i was a scuba diver for halloween. i dressed up for work.
and happy november.

grab a handle full.

2004-10-28T21:05:00.000-07:00

vous empochez le ciel pour moi tenir.

pretty birds, pretty mouths.

2004-10-24T22:21:00.000-07:00

turns out the pony only had one trick, a wink for the truck stop boys. they learned it all from the polaroids.

hopefully washing my face constitutes for a baptism.

;|

2004-10-22T23:16:00.000-07:00

crumble.

i feel like i've done the math and calculated the answers.

2004-10-21T01:02:00.000-07:00

once again another night without blissful sleep. the weather wrapping around my toes, causing them to curl in with pain. i listen to the fan, i watch the street light flicker, together they allow me to sleep somewhat. when i awake they're both there for me, something to rely on i suppose.
so again, i'll watch the street light flicker. i'll make out the unusual shapes and shadows. i'll close my eyes, listen to the hum.
i've dreamt several times about a man. couple years older, maybe younger. pushing me on a swing, i'm holding his hand through the snow, he's sitting with me on a bench. he always offers me something comforting. something i cherish in my dreams. how i wish i could make out your face. how i wish i could. everytime i look, its always empty. when i take my bath. i always wonder, maybe if i just slip under i'll see your face and we'll always be together then. but i never want to wait that long. just me being selfish i guess.
when i was a baby. weird as it sounds. i can remember when i almost died in my sleep. i was in such a deep sleep that i drifted off and stopped breathing. mom said i wasn't breathing and my heart stopped. she woke me by tickling my feet. i love her.

punchy makes the best fruit punch.

2004-10-19T23:12:00.000-07:00

i scrub at my face, but i can never seem to wash away the day. the people/the kids/the dollar bills.
my feet are killing me. and tomorrow i work again. that place is going to get the best of me. i can crack a joke and recieve no smile there. i don't know if people need to lighten up or i just need to do my job.
ups: i get ten minute breaks.
downs: i get old men staring at my chest.

its kinda breezy outside. not quite sweater weather, but its getting there. i'm starting to wear socks to bed again. cold weather is my favorite.

it always tastes better when its on someone else's tab.

2004-10-16T01:09:00.000-07:00

it'd only be one time. but i should waitwaitwait. i'm so eager.

i don't want to hurt myself in the processes, so i'll just wait till it surpasses me.

he just lived within.

2004-09-28T07:31:00.000-07:00

3 hour drive. no nagging or hussle or bussle. i just need to get readyreadyready. step dad is letting me borrow his car, my car wouldn't make it to gila bend. so i'll drivedrivedrive all the way to asu to see my old pea. i'm so broke, i hopefully have enough money for everything.
so this is my surprise, goodbye..

bye. i'll be back late tomorrow.

1986 is when it happened.

2004-09-26T18:22:00.000-07:00

photobucket decided to be a jerk. and deviantart is down. so once again i don't have a picture. > plus i don't have any words of wisdom. ++ i'm leaving on tuesday for tempe because i need to visit some people i love.

i have to work tomorrow. at least we get to have lunch, and yes, i'm buying.

i have nothing today.

2004-09-25T19:08:00.000-07:00

i'm ready to kill anyone who walks through that door.

2004-09-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

if only i knew it was one hundred percent the first time.

i won't even touch the birds and the bees.

2004-09-23T13:14:00.000-07:00

talking in your sleep and mumbling something about the west;;

Wooooowie.

2004-09-22T19:35:00.000-07:00

today was okay. it wasn't bad, it wasn't good.

2004-09-21T18:12:00.000-07:00

all i can tell you, is to take back what you said.
because somehow i don't believe you.

or i choose not to believe you.its been so long. its been so.so.so. long.long.long.
but i have to give you a hand. you have to be a big person to
do what you're doing.

harder than i thought.

2004-09-20T17:30:00.000-07:00

the day was long and my 'me time' is short. i need new photos.

>>work tomorrow.

A fortune once told me:

2004-09-19T18:45:00.000-07:00

i don't understand why i have to run from here to there. like i have my head cut off. i hope this becomes my picture/venting journal. no one knows me here and that gives me an advantage.